quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
