plz talk dirty to me
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
