Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
