The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
