Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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