Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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