someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
