hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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