this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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