It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
