omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
