If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
