if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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