I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
