The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
