my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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