if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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