And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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