First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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