Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
