U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
