using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
