i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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