My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
