we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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