So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize