no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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