woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
