I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
