I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
