one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Oh god it's open bar.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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