ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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