You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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