just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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