Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
