It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Holy sore nipples Batman
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
