i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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