I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
