I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
