He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
