Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
