Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
