I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
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he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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