Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
