Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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