My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
