4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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