I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Mom said you looked used
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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