I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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