Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
