he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
