True but thats because hes a fetus.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
