yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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