she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
