and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
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just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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