She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I did not marry a roomba.
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